Taking off the mask of denial

My husband Charles and I haven't lived together for 3+ years. This year when I have my annual physical and the doc asks if I'm sexually active, I'll answer No for the second year. In November 2009 someone expressed their surprise to our son that his mom & dad were married because they thought Charles was dating someone else. That's when I said it was time for a divorce. I told him I wasn't asking him to confirm or deny what had been said. It wasn't the first time so I already knew. Yet here I lie in my bed absolutely overwhelmed with pain. Crying for him; for what we've lost. I'm as upset with myself as I am with him. I just wish I could go to sleep and stop crying.
For the past 3+ years, I never indicated to anyone that knew us both that our marriage was becoming more brittle each day. I didn't share that when ever I would touch him, just a hand on his arm, he would pull away. I wore a mask of "yes it is difficult living apart but that is where his job is and we are making it work." I continued to think of and present myself as part of a couple while he lived as if he were single. On Sunday, June 27, 2010 that all changed. It was time to rip the mask off. No more picking at it like the edges of a band-aid. Just RIP, no matter how much it hurt and left me raw and exposed.
At 12:27 am on 6/27/10, I received a call that Charles had been in an accident. He had been traveling across country. I was a member of his support team assisting with managing funds. There is a big party planned for all who partcipated in the event in the final community. I asked Charles if I neded to stay away from the event. He said I had helped more than anyone and deserved to be there. I restated my question. He said he did plan for a friend to be there at some point. I told him I wouldn't be there.
I was called by law enforcement because I'm the only emergency contact listed in his phone. I contacted his parents then updated the website so many were reading to follow his journey. At 8:30 am Sunday morning, his girlfriend called with, "Do you know who I am?" She wanted more details.
His injuries are immobilizing but he will recover. He returned to the state by plane; she picked him up at the airport; and she took him to the final destination for the big party on the 4th.
As people ask when I'm taking him to the party, I honestly reply, "My part of this journey is over. He has someone else taking care of him now."
I am shamed. I was the fool yet again. I am raw and in pain.